The book on what it means to be raised by a narcissistic parent has already been written, but it’s incomplete.
There are many steps to the healing process that no one talks about.
None of them are easy, and no will understand you unless they’ve been through it.
I guess most people had better childhoods, and I’m happy for them, but it’s hard for me to relate.
Here’s a quick summary of what happens after learning the word narcissist.
First, you become aware of what’s happening to you.
Then you go into a deep, deep sadness of pain you don’t fully understand, and the guilt for having these feelings starts to set in.
This kind of guilt is toxic, and it can keep us trapped here and prevent us from moving forward.
When you make it past the guilt, you go into feeling stupid, duped, and have this overwhelming feeling of being unloved and more alone than you’ve ever felt in your life.
It’s frustrating, confusing, and no one wants to admit they were raised by a narcissistic parent, okay.
You didn’t know this wasn’t normal behavior, how could you?
I thought everyone’s mom was like mine.
Suddenly, normal blows up in your face, and then it keeps happening in almost every area of your life.
It’s been one hell of a ride, emotionally, physically, and mentally.
You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, and you have to go through these emotions (sometimes one by one).
Once the rage hit, my guilt was gone like a puff of smoke, and I have never been so angry in my life.
The guilt was bad enough, but the rage completely takes over, and I stayed in this state for the better part of a year.
I couldn’t stand the mention of my mother’s name without being instantly infuriated, so if you’re feeling this, then I get you, and you get me.
It won’t be like that forever, and after a very long time, I felt a shift almost overnight.
In this corner of the universe, everyone talks about the bad behaviors of a narcissistic parent and the effect it has on us as adults.
It’s not normal to outgrow your parents, but when that parent is a narcissist outgrowing them is the only way to change the game forever.
When you’re raised like this, normal everyday attributes of your personality can form into very useful tools you may not know to exist.
One of these is the ability to adapt to any life situation.
We’ve been adapting and changing our behavior for decades because we had no choice.
We tried changing everything we could think of about ourselves, trying to be lovable, and nothing ever worked.
The fact that it didn’t work on them is obsolete, well-known, and understood.
But the doesn’t mean your ability to adapt goes to waste.
Life is about constant change.
The only constant in life is that things will always change.
Well, guess what?
You’re already a pro at this.
It’s not the strongest species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one most adaptable to change.
Not everyone has the same outcome after being raised by a narcissist.
Each experience is different, everything is theoretical, and that’s why I can get away with writing whatever I want on this blog.
It’s all true and indisputable.
It’s very confusing when you first put the pieces together, and it seemed unreal as if it happened to someone else.
Which is also true because that’s not me anymore.
If you’ve been through this or are going through this, I’m sure you’ll understand what I’m saying.
Once you start to heal, you start over-analyzing EVERYTHING.
So some of these things you find out about yourself are not great.
We don’t want to face them, we don’t want to admit how messed up we are internally from all this, but there is so much more to it than that.
If you’re reading this, then you’ve made it this far.
You get points for that because not all of us survive adulthood under these conditions.
Let’s be real; people commit suicide over this every single day.
People like us pay a very high price for being alive, and suicide is definitely a way out.
It’s not easy recovering from narcissistic abuse, and people like us die out there, never knowing the truth.
I’m may not be the best writer in the world, but I don’t have to be to get the word out.
You grow up in a world where no one fights for you but you.
Some of us become severely codependent, and some of us become fiercely independent.
Both cause problems, and the idea is to bring it back to the middle.
Most children are taught how to balance their emotions and their life by their parents.
We’ve been taught the opposite of that and are completely on our own.
We are denied emotional support from our family for an entire lifetime.
When you realize you been raised by a narcissistic parent, your brain does a backflip.
At least it feels like a backflip.
The reality is my mind course-corrected itself and righted my ship, so to speak.
When you start to see the truth about your life for the first time, you think you’re losing your mind.
But you don’t.
So, now what?
Well, this is what awareness feels like.
As a life and relationship coach, every time I see a person find real awareness, I get a sense of hope and excitement because I know they’re making progress.
All of the truth you need lives in the unconscious.
The unconscious mind records every negative event in your life, and when something similar happens, it puts right back in that state.
As if your right back there, trapped, with no way out.
I mention the book Practicing the Power of Now in almost every single post because it teaches you how to pull yourself out of that state.
80% of your success is psychological.
It doesn’t matter whether your goal is in business, parenting, or baking a cake.
80% of your success is psychological, and the other 20% is the actual physical work it takes to get there.
You can’t get what you want out of life if you keep having huge emotional setbacks you don’t understand, it just doesn’t work.
We’ve been watching how a narcissist operates our whole lives.
It’s the perfect example of a bad example, and I swear if I do exactly the opposite of what my mother would do it works out every time.
Narcissists are experts at making anyone who is not their family think they’re the most wonderful person on the face of the earth.
I watched my mother operate.
I watched her systematically take over a room, and to this day, it’s still quite impressive.
It makes sense she’s a narcissist, no normal person would have the energy or this insatiable need to make sure her reputation was intact.
As a child, I remember it as her floating around the room with grace and a smile absorbing all the attention like the happiest person in the world.
My mother was always happiest at parties or church gatherings.
Every once and a while, she would shoot me a dirty look or whisper a nasty threat in my ear.
Stupid me, I loved her still.
I had no choice.
We’ve been watching our narcissistic mothers since the first time we opened our eyes.
We know our mother better than anyone else on this earth, and when you start to see the pattern, it’s impossible to unsee it.
It’s downright creepy beyond the veil of guilt and blame, and there will be times you regret taking a look.
Try some meditation or self-hypnosis or law of attraction or whatever inspires you to add more positive and good vibes to your life.
Meditation and self-hypnosis are highly recommended for recovering from this kind of abuse, and I use them three or more times a week.
It makes me feel better, it helps me grow faster, and it adds positive reinforcement into my life.
When you’re raised by a very toxic and negative person, there’s no way it can’t affect you.
I use meditation and self-hypnosis to help clear my mind so I can think things through.
I continue to go back to it when I’m stuck, and it works every time.
Read my meditation experience before you get started because there are some things you should know, it can get a little weird.
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own.
To speed up my healing process, I got into life coaching, and it changed everything for me.
I took it a step further and became a life coach so I could learn how to help other people like me.
Coaching actually works, and it works quickly when you use a specially trained coach. Check out my page here to learn more about it.
When you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, sometimes you need help. If you have more severe symptoms of debilitating depression, PTSD, or C-PTSD, you can connect with a professional therapist online.
Try Online-Therapy (20% off affiliate link).
You don’t have to be face-to-face or meet them in an office.
They’re available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so there’s no waiting three weeks for an appointment.
It’s affordable, and you pay much less than seeing a therapist in person.
Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.