The book on what it means to be raised by a narcissistic parent has already been written, but it’s incomplete.
There are many steps in the healing process.
First, you become aware of what’s happening to you.
Then you go into a deep, deep sadness of pain you don’t fully understand, and the guilt for having these feelings starts to set in.
The guilt is such a powerful emotion; it can keep us trapped here and prevent us from moving forward.
Next, you go into feeling stupid, duped, and have this overwhelming feeling of being unloved and alone. As if somehow you should’ve known better.
But how could you when this was all you were ever given, and it’s all you’ve ever known?
It’s not fair to blame yourself, but you can’t stop your mind from feeling these emotions.
The only way to outgrow and overcome narcissistic abuse is to go through it.
You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, and you have to go through these emotions (sometimes one by one).
Once the rage hit, my guilt was gone like a puff of smoke, and I have never been so angry in my life.
The guilt was bad enough, but the rage completely takes over, and I stayed in this state for the better part of a year.
It takes time to get through a lifetime of abuse, so hang on because there’s more on the other side of this waiting for you to discover it.
The reason why you don’t fit in anywhere is because there’s more to you than the average human being.
You’ve been through more than the average human being, but you have to heal a bit first before you can see it.
In this corner of the universe, everyone talks about the bad behaviors of a narcissistic parent and the effect it has on us as adults.
What isn’t talked about as much is how we are able to overcome and outgrow our own parents.
It’s not normal to outgrow your parents, but when that parent is a narcissist outgrowing them is the only way to change the game forever.
When you’re raised by a narcissistic parent, normal everyday attributes of your personality have formed into superpowers you may not know exist.
One of these is the ability to adapt to any life situation.
We’ve been adapting and changing our behavior for decades because we had no choice.
We tried changing everything we could think of about ourselves, trying to please our narcissistic parent, and nothing ever worked.
The fact that it didn’t work on them is obsolete, well known, and understood.
But the doesn’t mean your ability to adapt goes to waste.
Life is about constant change.
The only constant in life is that things will always change.
Well, guess what?
You’re already a pro at this.
This is what we do.
We change, we adapt, and we evolve.
There are different angles to being raised by a narcissist.
Once you start to heal, you’ll find some pretty amazing ways about yourself that helped you survive as a child.
So some of these things are not great.
We don’t want to face them, we don’t want to admit how messed up we are internally from all this, but there is so much more to it than that.
If you’re reading this, then you’ve made it this far.
You get points for that because not all of us survive adulthood under these conditions.
Let’s be real; people commit suicide over this every single day.
People like us pay a very high price for being alive, and suicide is definitely a way out.
Personally, I don’t blame them one bit.
It’s not easy recovering from narcissistic abuse.
It’s hand down the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I’ve been through plenty more to prove it.
People try to differentiate between being raised by a narcissist and being abused by a narcissist in a relationship.
A child of a narcissist can move on with their life despite the possibility of never being able to fully heal.
It’s possible because we’ve been conditioned since birth to stand in the storm of narcissistic abuse.
I remember people trying to bully me or pick on me until they realized I didn’t give a shit.
When I got angry, I was much meaner than them, and I was willing to go much further to make my point clear.
I didn’t just keep people at arm’s length; I’d push them off a cliff and forget they ever existed.
There’s a power in a child raised by a narcissistic parent.
It looks like we go too far, but they don’t know how far we’ve had to go to protect ourselves, and it’s nothing like their experience.
I’m the kinda girl that can make you wanna run home to yer mama, and you can’t do that to me cause my mama don’t care.
I got no mama to run to, so my only choice is to stay and fight.
You grow up in a world where no one fights for you but you.
Some of us become severely codependent, and some of us become fiercely independent.
Both cause problems, and the idea is to bring it back to the middle.
Balance is everything.
Most children are taught how to balance their emotions and their life by their parents.
We’ve been taught the opposite of that and are completely on our own.
When you realize you been raised by a narcissistic parent, your brain does a backflip.
At least it feels like a backflip.
The reality is my mind course-corrected itself and righted my ship, so to speak.
When you start to see the truth about your life for the first time, you think you’re losing your mind.
But you don’t.
So, now what?
Well, now you’ve entered step one of healing from narcissistic abuse called awareness.
There is nothing you can do to stop this process once it begins.
All of the truth you need lives in the subconscious, and once it comes into the conscious mind, life as you know it doesn’t exist anymore because it never did exist.
It was all bullshit.
That means when you get to a certain point in the healing process; you realize you get a clean slate.
Everything you were ever taught about being bad, wrong, and shameful was written in pencil, and it can be erased.
For a while, you’ll have the faded remnants of what used to be, but eventually, it fades so much you can barely see it anymore.
A blank canvas to paint your new masterpiece.
A rebirth and a new life.
A rebirth and new life are very painful things to do, and people choose not to do the internal work, and they fail.
80% of your success is psychological.
It doesn’t matter whether your goal is in business, parenting, or baking a cake.
80% of your success is psychological, and the other 20% is the actual physical work it takes to get there.
Awareness is a very painful first step that’s required before anything else can happen.
We’ve spent our whole lives searching for ways to adapt, and then we make recovery harder by trying to prevent ourselves from adapting to the truth.
I know you fight it because I do too.
Your brain does a flip flop, and now everything feels ass-backward.
And rightfully so.
This is officially going to be the hardest adjustment of your life, and you’ve been preparing for it since birth.
The time is now.
Try some meditation to help you heal from narcissistic abuse.
I have severe psychological blocks I’m learning to recognize.
By blocks, I mean debilitating symptoms of narcissistic abuse.
The kind that in the past would cripple me for months, if not years.
I know what you’re going through.
I’ve been there, and you don’t forget a place like that.
Once you get out, you don’t ever want to go back.
Gives me the shivers it’s so dreadful, and the memories of those times stay with me as a reminder to continue to do the work it takes to stay well.
I use meditation and self-hypnosis to help relax my mind so I can think things through.
I continue to go back to it when I’m stuck, and it works every time.
Read my meditation experience before you get started because there are some things you should know, it can get a little weird.
We’ve been watching how a narcissist operates our whole lives.
It’s a matter of putting the pieces together.
Pieces you didn’t have as a defenseless child.
Narcissists are experts at making anyone who is not their family think they’re the most wonderful person on the face of the earth.
I watched my mother operate.
I watched her systematically take over a room, and to this day, it’s still quite impressive.
It makes sense she’s a narcissist, no normal person would have the energy or this insatiable need to make sure her reputation was intact.
As a child, I remember it as her floating around the room with grace and a smile absorbing all the attention like the happiest person in the world.
My mother was always happiest at parties or church gatherings.
Every once and a while, she would shoot me a dirty look or whisper a nasty threat in my ear.
Stupid me, I loved her still.
I had no choice.
We’ve been watching our narcissistic mothers since the first time we opened our eyes.
We know our mother better than anyone else on this earth, and when you start to see the pattern, it’s impossible to unsee it.
You are not the one who’s unloveable.
We are literally dying and withering away, trying to keep loving our narcissistic mother.
I, for one, don’t have anything left for her to take, it’s all gone.
We can see things other people can’t see.
We know things other people don’t know.
We’ve experienced things other people can’t even imagine, and then we wonder why we don’t fit in.
You are not like them, and you never will be.
Give yourself all the extra time you need to adapt once and for all.
You will adjust a little more each day as your brain processes everything.
It’s hard, and it’s painful, but if you can’t go back to the way things were, then you’ll have to find a new way to be.
Take a deep breath and allow yourself to break free from a life you didn’t choose and choice you didn’t have.
Take back your right to choose what kind of life you want to live.
The unknown is only scary until you realize how much better it is to be free of narcissistic abuse.
I tried life coaching, and it’s been a life-changing encounter.
I needed someone to listen to me and help me understand myself better.
It was the most liberating and grounding experience of my life.
If you’re interested, you can get a free 20-minute strategy session so you can get a feel for what coaching can do for you.