After being raised by a narcissist, you might have some weird behaviors you don’t understand.
There’s a very good reason for this and a way to fix it, so it stops happening.
If you’re still in contact with your narcissistic parent, you feel like a frayed ball of nerves.
The problem is when you’re always under constant attack you never have a chance to heal in between blows.
A narcissistic parent likes to keep you on your toes.
You’re always second-guessing yourself, and you don’t have a chance to make your own decisions.
Once you stop the cycle of narcissistic abuse, something very painful happens.
You start to heal.
Healing is not pleasant, but when you start to heal from narcissistic abuse, it’s brutal.
You outgrow narcissistic abuse, and you also emotionally outgrow your parents, siblings, and possibly all of your unhealthy relationships.
When you’ve been abused this way, it’s already left its mark on your life, and you can’t erase it, but you can fight back.
A narcissist will never develop the ability to win the internal battle, but you can.
#1 After being raised by a narcissist, your struggle is with self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth.
When you’re narcissistically abused by a parent, you’re told every aspect and angle of you is bad, wrong, and shameful.
You’re never taught how to love and accept yourself.
You’re taught to hate yourself for being a normal, imperfect, flawed, human being.
Take a free personality test to get to know yourself better, and it will show you how normal you are.
When you’re the child of a narcissist, you question every decision you make because you don’t trust yourself or your gut.
That’s a problem.
The only way to stop the insanity is to replace what you’ve been taught about yourself with the truth.
#2 When you realize you didn’t have a normal childhood.
After being raised by a narcissist and fully understanding what that means, it turns your world upside down.
It changes everything you thought you knew about your life.
You go through phases of trying to disprove your mother or father is a narcissist because if it was something else, anything else, there might be some hope.
You hold on to this hope there might be some chance you’ll get them to see how they’ve hurt you, and then they’ll change their behavior.
This will never happen.
Their behavior will never change… never.
Rule number one is to stop going to them for emotional support.
When you make this kind of decision, you feel liberated by it, and you stop seeking their approval.
#3. You can’t change a narcissistic parent.
If he/she was going to change, don’t you think they’d have done it already?
How this healing process works is you change and evolve, and they don’t.
They stay the same, so when they continue to do the same things they’ve always done, stop being surprised.
Radical acceptance is what I learned from the book The Power of Now.
Author Eckhart Tolle states that the mind and the soul are not the same things.
The mind is a physical part of the body, and when the body dies, the mind dies too.
The soul is you and contains your true self and your true essence.
It’s the energy of you that can’t be created or destroyed.
So while you’re mind is spinning out of control, and these crazy intrusive thoughts won’t give any rest, it doesn’t mean that you have to listen to it.
Practicing The Power Of Now teaches you how the mind and soul are not the same.
One should be in control, and the other one should not be in control.
I try everything when it comes to personal development.
I’ve been searching for a sign I’m crazy, or I have some horrible personality disorder that makes me hallucinate, you know, whatever.
My healing journey started with this book, and it’s a good place to start if you’re looking for emotional balance and control.
#4. Misdiagnosed by a narcissistic parent.
Most of us have been unfairly judged and misdiagnosed by doctors because of what our mentally ill parent tells them.
I was speculated about and intensely analyzed as a child by doctors because my mother was convinced something was wrong with me.
So, I spent most of my life wondering what was wrong with me and why no doctor was ever able to help.
You try to get better and be better and work on yourself but it’s never enough.
No matter what I did I couldn’t find relief or any answers.
The madness never stopped because it wasn’t coming from me.
- I was put on medications I didn’t need for depression since my mother had recently been diagnosed with depression, so I guess I had to be on them too. This automatically disqualified me from joining the military.
- I was put in a psych ward at the beginning of my freshman year of high school for some dark poems I wrote after my mother went rifling threw my room (no boundaries allowed).
- I was placed in a home for adolescents with behavior issues for four months after my father died, which is where I learned how to lie to get my way. I was treated fairly there, I wasn’t used to that, and it was better than being at home trapped with her.
The further away I got from my mother, the better off I was.
People don’t understand why we’re so desperate to get out of the house. We’d rather be dead than spend one more minute in that hell.
#5 Getting stuck in the past.
You start reliving the past, and sometimes it feels like you’re right back there trapped and defenseless.
You must remind yourself you’re not defenseless as an adult.
It’s a terrible and sometimes paralyzing state to be in.
When you start practicing the power of now, it brings you back to the present.
It reminds you you’re not there anymore, and that’s not your life anymore.
We can’t keep going back there to torture ourselves.
That feeling of being helpless, hopeless, and trapped isn’t reality as an adult.
You have options; you have choices and a hell of lot more resources than a child.
#6 A narcissist wants you to believe you’re too fragile, broken, and damaged to ever amount to anything.
When you’ve been raised by a narcissist, you’ve already survived decades of daily emotional, psychological, and many times physical abuse.
When you put a stop to the abuse, it gives you the space to heal.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is exhausting, and the first year is always the hardest.
A narcissistic parent will harass you and start doing even more crazy weird things stop this from happening because their biggest fear is losing control.
They’re afraid you might see them for who they really are.
They don’t want you to heal, and they don’t want you to get better.
When you stop seeking approval from anyone but yourself, your life will begin to change.
No need for approval equals no control.
#7 Make a promise to take care of yourself physically and emotionally.
You have to take care of yourself first and especially now.
Sleep is the main concern.
Self-care builds your self-worth, and your physical body carries the weight of all this garbage, so give it a break and give it some care.
You’re a human being too.
You need love and care too.
If you don’t take care of you, no one takes care of you, so who’s been taking care of you lately?
#8 What are your needs?
I’m not talking about the physical things like food, shelter, water, or clothing a narcissistic parent thinks you should be eternally grateful for.
Yes, thank you for the bare minimum basics I could’ve gotten at any orphanage across the country.
When you take a good look at yourself during this healing process, it takes a conscious effort to separate your wants and needs from what the narcissistic parent thinks your wants and needs should be.
Narcissistic abuse leaves a stronghold of control that remains even after going no contact.
It takes time to untangle yourself from that.
No one gets to tell you what to do or how to be anymore.
From now on, you are 100% responsible for your actions and behaviors.
Do whatever you want as long as you own it.
#9 What’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist?
Get to know yourself, take care of yourself, and live a better life without them.
Don’t worry, someday karma will show them how good you’re doing, and their life will still suck.
Deep down narcissists know this too, and that’s why they work so hard and put in an extremely abnormal amount of effort to maintain control of their children and spouses.
If you need proof, start taking away the narcissist’s control and see how violently they react.
No one can throw a bigger temper tantrum than a narcissist who’s losing control of someone else’s mind.
We talked about addressing your needs, but sometimes it’s better to think about what you don’t need and set some boundaries.
#10 Make a list of things you don’t need in your life.
- To be insulted
- To be ignored
- To be rejected
- To be ashamed
- Toxic relationships
- Abusive relationships
- More pain
We need to stop the abuse and stop the pain, so we have time to recover.
I was sick all the time as a kid, much more often than my siblings, because my mother’s toxic behavior affects my immune system.
Can you believe it’s going on three years with no contact, and I haven’t been sick once?
I’m taking care of myself.
I’m not just writing this here and not doing the actual work for myself.
I’m busting my ass trying to get right and stay right.
A person has weird and awkward behaviors when they’re disconnected from their true self.
When you’re raised by a narcissist, you’re told your instincts are wrong, and what you’re feeling isn’t real.
They do everything they can to make you feel inferior and less than.
Anytime you showed your true inner self, it was shamed, scolded, or frowned upon.
This kind of trauma is deep in the subconscious, and it controls everything. Reconnecting with yourself on a deeper level is the only way to stop these behaviors.
If you’re secure in who you are and own it, you won’t have these weird social issues around people anymore.
Here’s a list of techniques I’ve personally used to change my perspective and see myself in a whole new light:
- Life coaching
- Practicing the Power of Now
- Balance your Chakra
- Inner child work
I recently got into RTT Therapy to remove mental blocks, so I’ll let you know how that goes too.
These are not hard things to do and you don’t have to believe in them for it to work.
Try new ways to stay connected with yourself until you feel the results.
When you’re raised by a narcissist, it’s usually their way or nothing, and many times I chose nothing, and that’s what I got.
As an adult, I’m in charge, and I can take care of myself.
More than anything else, I want nothing from her.
She can keep her nothing.
Eventually, you realize you don’t need what you never had.
Nothing from her is everything to me.
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own.
To speed up my healing process, I got into life coaching, and it changed everything for me.
I took it a step further and became a life coach so I could learn how to help other people like me.
Coaching actually works, and it works quickly when you use a specially trained coach. Check out my page here to learn more about it.
When you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, sometimes you need help from a licensed psychologist. If you have more severe symptoms of debilitating depression, PTSD, or C-PTSD, you can connect with a professional therapist online.
Try Online-Therapy (20% off affiliate link).
You don’t have to be face-to-face or meet them in an office.
They’re available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so there’s no waiting three weeks for an appointment.
It’s affordable, and you pay much less than seeing a therapist in person.
Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.