After being raised by a narcissistic mother or father, you might have some weird behaviors you don’t understand. There’s a very good reason for this and a way to fix it, so it stops happening.
If you’re still in contact and being manipulated by them, you feel like a frayed ball of nerves. The problem is when you’re always under constant attack, you never have a chance to heal in between blows.
A narcissistic mother likes to keep you on your toes. You’re always second-guessing yourself, and you don’t have a chance to calm your mind or make your own decisions. It’s draining and frustrating to deal with this kind of parent. The fighting and conflict never ends. They’re always there to steal your joy or cause problems where there are none.
Now I don’t talk much about the narcissistic father because it is its own brand of batshit crazy. However, there are many similarities since ALL narcissists have the same patterns and they both cause incredible damage to a child’s mind.
Once you put some distance between you and them, something very painful happens.
You start to heal. It’s like being asleep your whole life, and suddenly you’re awake. As an adult, you start to see things from a different perspective.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not pleasant; it’s brutal. You notice things you don’t want to notice. You come face to face with a reality that changes everything you thought you knew about your life.
When you’ve been abused this way for decades, it’s already left its mark on your life. You’ve always felt lonely or unsupported until you realize the person you loved and trusted the most is actively trying to sabotage your life and your happiness.
After going no contact with a narcissistic family, it becomes pretty clear that you were always alone; you just didn’t know it.
After being raised by a narcissist, your struggle is with self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth.
When you’re raised by a soul-sucking, self-serving vampire, you’re told every aspect and angle of you is bad, wrong, and shameful. There is no emotional support, and when you’re young, there’s no escape. It’s daily repetitive insults and attacks that threaten to corrupt your very core.
A narcissistic mother expects her children to be like her. It’s as if they think their children are born flawed, and it’s their job to make their child into a better human being. They don’t understand that babies are born with no emotional flaws, and yet somehow, they think they need to add in their twisted ideas.
More than that, they demand you be agreeable, compliant, and subservient, so you’re never taught how to love and accept yourself. You’re taught to hate yourself for being a normal, imperfect, flawed human being. When you’re the child of a narcissist, you question every decision you make because you’ve been taught you can’t trust yourself or your gut instincts.
That’s a problem.
The only way to stop the insanity is to replace what you’ve been taught about yourself with the truth.
When you realize you didn’t have a normal childhood.
After being raised by a narcissist and fully understanding what that means, it turns your world upside down. It changes everything you thought you knew about your life.
You go through phases of trying to disprove your mother or father is a narcissist because if it was something else, anything else, there might be some hope. You hold on to this hope there might be some chance you’ll get them to see how they’ve hurt you, and then they’ll change their behavior.
This will never happen.
Their behavior will never change… ever.
You can’t change a narcissistic parent.
If they were going to change, don’t you think they’d have done it already?
How this healing process works is you change and evolve, and they don’t. They stay exactly the same, so when they continue to do the same things they’ve always done, stop being surprised because this shit never ends until you decide to put a stop to it.
Most people are well into their thirties, forties, fifties, and sixties before they find any answers because it takes years of wisdom to finally see the whole picture.
It’s not your fault you didn’t know what was going on. It’s not your responsibility to fix your parents, either. Just because you were born into a family doesn’t mean you were meant to spend the rest of your life with them.
Most children raised by a narcissistic parent are good people. Not all of them, but most are good and kind because they know what it feels like to be mistreated. They know what it does to a person, and they would never want to do that to another human being.
Many of them are fiercely loyal, compassionate, and some of them are the strongest people I’ve ever met. For the most part, they are completely self-made. We don’t have someone in our corner cheering us on, giving us accolades or moral support, so whatever we do accomplish has been done under severe oppression.
We’re isolated from everyone, and the person who raised us is a vindictive, self-serving nut job that doesn’t care about our wellbeing or our future. It doesn’t stop there either. I’m sure you’ve heard the term “flying monkeys.” A narcissistic mother will recruit other adults to support them as they try to destroy their own children.
Misdiagnosed by a narcissistic parent.
Most of us have been unfairly judged and misdiagnosed by doctors because of what our mentally ill parent tells them. I was speculated about and intensely analyzed as a child by doctors because my mother was convinced something was wrong with me.
I spent most of my life wondering what was wrong with me and why no doctor was ever able to help. You try to get better and be better and work on yourself, but it’s never enough. No matter what I did, I couldn’t find relief or any answers.
The madness never stopped because it wasn’t coming from me:
- I was put on medications I didn’t need for depression since my mother had recently been diagnosed with depression, so I had to be on them too. This automatically disqualified me from joining the military.
- I was put in a psych ward at the beginning of my freshman year of high school for some dark poems I wrote after my mother went rifling through my room (no boundaries allowed).
- I was placed in a home for adolescents with behavior issues for four months after my father died, which is where I learned how to lie to get my way. I was treated fairly there, I wasn’t used to that, and it was better than being at home trapped with her.
The further away I got from my mother, the better off I was. People don’t understand why we’re so desperate to get out of the house. We’d rather be dead than spend one more minute in that hell.
Everything is backward and upside down. You grow up with no understanding of the real world or healthy relationships.
Every time you try to get ahead, you keep getting stuck in the past.
As an adult, you start reliving the past, and sometimes it feels like you’re right back there, trapped and defenseless. These flashbacks can happen at any time, and usually, they happen at the most inconvenient times possible. Sometimes they happen for no reason at all, and then your mind is stuck there.
You can’t just snap out of it. Sometimes it can last for days, months, or years. I’ve been through it all, so I understand. It comes from decades of conditioning and programming. I felt like my mind was not my own, and it was never just me in my head. It was this nasty inner critic that was constantly and consistently tearing me to shreds.
I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that successful people don’t talk to themselves like that. I was taught to annihilate myself for even the smallest mistake, and then your mind wonders why this isn’t working.
It seems so simple on the other side of narcissistic abuse, but when you’re in it, and you’ve been there for decades, it’s a never-ending circle of madness.
A narcissistic parent conditions you to believe you’re too fragile, broken, and damaged to ever amount to anything.
When you’ve been raised by a narcissist, you’ve already survived decades of daily emotional, psychological, and many times physical abuse.
When you put a stop to the abuse, it gives you the space to heal. Healing from narcissistic abuse is exhausting, and the first year is always the hardest. A narcissistic parent will harass you and start doing even more crazy weird things to stop you from breaking away because their biggest fear is losing control.
They’re afraid you might see them for who they really are. They don’t want you to heal, and they don’t want you to get better. In the beginning, when you stop seeking their approval and stop asking for permission, that’s when their behaviors will really start to escalate.
Narcissistic abuse leaves a stronghold of control that remains even after going no contact.
It takes time to untangle yourself from the crazy and to detach yourself from it emotionally. It’s almost like you don’t where they start, and you begin. It’s called enmeshment from being isolated under their complete control for so long.
At first, when you break away from a narcissistic parent, it’s very unfamiliar, and you deal with all the negative, dark, sometimes paralyzing memories.
That’s the hard part, and it took me close to three years to process a lifetime of abuse. I’m on the other side of that now, and I can tell you this is where you want to be, so please don’t give up. Don’t stop, it will get better, but you do have to go through it because there’s no other way to get to the other side.
What’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist?
Get to know yourself, take care of yourself, and live a better life without them. Don’t worry; karma forgets no one, and they will continue to be miserable whether they admit it or not. But, you don’t have to live that life.
Deep down, narcissists know this too, and that’s why they work so hard and put in an extremely abnormal amount of effort to maintain control of their children and spouses.
If you need proof, start taking away the narcissist’s control and see how violently they react. No one can throw a bigger temper tantrum than a narcissist who’s losing control of someone they’ve grown so accustomed to and comfortable with abusing.
Here’s what you don’t need in your life:
- To be insulted
- To be ignored
- To be rejected
- To be ashamed
- Toxic relationships
- Abusive relationships
- More pain
We need to stop the abuse, so we have time to recover.
I was sick all the time as a kid, much more often than my siblings, because my mother’s toxic behavior affects my immune system. Can you believe it’s going on three years with no contact, and I haven’t been sick once?
When you’re raised by a narcissist, you’re told your instincts are wrong, and what you’re feeling isn’t real.
They do everything they can to make you feel inferior and less than. Anytime you show the real you, it was shamed, scolded, or frowned upon.
This kind of trauma is deep in the subconscious, and the subconscious controls everything. This abuse keeps happening over and over again in childhood. It convinces the mind this is how life is, and a part of you believes it will always be this way. We didn’t get our emotional needs met when we were young, and as adults, we don’t think our needs can be met.
We think it’s not available because we’re different. We think we’re not lovable because our own mother rejected us. We never feel like we’re enough because we were never good enough for her.
Then I found Marisa Peer, and she proved to me that these emotional issues can be resolved.
And I’m not trying to sell you anything. This is real therapy that works the first time.
(RTT) Rapid Transformational Therapy is the only thing I’ve found that works. This is the most groundbreaking information on how to heal from narcissistic abuse, and you can find out more on my homepage. Hey, I didn’t believe it would work. If you’re like me, then by the time I got this point, I was pretty skeptical (not to mention cynical), and I was shocked by the results. I think every person on the planet should have one of these sessions, so I got licensed and certified, and it’s all I do now.
These sessions are powerful, so if you’re not ready to take a giant leap forward in your healing, then don’t do it. You have to be open to healing and open to facing your emotional issues head-on. You’ll know you’re ready when you feel the nervousness and fear about taking this step, and you do it anyway.
You’ve got nothing to lose except all those weird behaviors added in by an unstable and narcissistic parent. Those behaviors are not you, and once you understand it with your own mind, you start to heal faster than you ever thought possible. Here is another post for more information about the pricing and cost of using RTT to recover from narcissistic abuse.
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own. That’s the hard way. If you’d like to know more about the RTT hypnotherapy sessions, you can read more here or visit my homepage.
Another at-home option many people like connects you with a professional psychologist or licensed therapist online. Consider Online-Therapy (20% off affiliate link). You don’t have to be face-to-face. They’re available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so you don’t have to wait for an appointment. It’s affordable, and you pay much less than seeing a therapist in person.
Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.