What does childhood emotional neglect in adults raised by a narcissistic parent actually feels like?
Some “experts” are saying we have this imaginary idea of what it means to be happy and that we somehow have these required expectations. If these expectations are not met, it inevitably keeps us from being happy.
This is not even close to what is really going on, and since everyone else is sharing their opinion, I decided I should too.
People who suffer from Child Emotional Neglect don’t have expectations at all.
We don’t even expect or demand common decency. We had no options as children. We couldn’t escape or take interviews to be part of a better family. There was no way out, and that teaches us learned hopelessness and learned helplessness.
After decades of this particular kind of abuse, our mind becomes convinced that’s this is the way life is and will always be. As adults, we don’t realize this is not true anymore.
Our needs were never met as children, and because of that, we grow up thinking our needs can’t or won’t be met, and therefore we believe that getting our needs met is not available. That was true then, and the mind continues to believe it’s true because now that belief was created and reinforced for decades.
It isn’t that we have over-the-top expectations. We simply don’t have a baseline of what our expectations should be. It’s like being flung around by the wind and desperately searching for a place to land that will hold you and protect you.
It is incredibly confusing because we’ve been gaslighted, manipulated, lied to, deceived, and then blamed for all of it. We have an implanted belief that we are not whole. You were not born with this belief, and you did not put it there.
Sometimes what’s worse than the abuse is when the abuse is erased.
You’re told what you’re seeing, hearing, and experiencing is wrong, you misunderstand, that’s not what happened, it’s you and your crazy mental problems, you’re delusional and unstable.
When this goes on for years and years, your subconscious mind starts to believe that you must be the problem: this plus the entire family sides with the abuser.
We don’t believe that we are lovable, that we are enough, that we matter, or that we belong. So if you’re reading this post and you understand what I’m saying, then these four things are core issues and root causes of the struggles you’re having in life, and it can be fixed.
Many of the articles about childhood emotional neglect in adults are terrible.
So much information online is outdated. It’s a disaster, and then people who really need answers and could really use the help feel even more beaten down because no one has a solution that actually works.
When I read this crap, I can FEEL my skin burning… I’m melting for sure…
Don’t buy into this shit; it’s NOT TRUE.
They don’t understand because they’ve never had the experience, but I have, and I do understand. Unfortunately, there are old beliefs and methods that are so outdated, and last century, it’s actually doing more harm than anything else.
It’s been proven that talking about trauma doesn’t help you get past it. Instead, it keeps the trauma at the front of your mind at all times. Eventually, all we want is to get past it and be free of it so we can move on with our lives.
You may see this as only my opinion, but in my mind, it’s a fact. The old ways of thinking and treatment plans are not only awful and expensive but 99% of them are proven to have no lasting change or real results.
The leading experts for childhood emotional neglect in adults know what I’m saying is true.
I started to dig deeper, looking for the newest, most groundbreaking information because what was true twenty years ago is not true now. And trying to heal from narcissistic abuse the old way was wasting my time and money because it doesn’t work.
In order to get your needs met, you have to know what they are. For a child, there are five main needs that need to be met:
- To feel safe
- To feel protected
- To be taken care of
- To be loved
- To feel significant
When these needs are not met on a daily basis, you will experience some form of Child Emotional Neglect. It is a safe bet to tell you that all parents screw up their kids. It’s only a matter of to what degree.
If you’re reading this blog, the degree of emotional neglect is usually abnormally high, and it can be so bad it becomes a form of an emotional disability. At least, that’s how it felt for me. It felt disabling to the degree that it was almost impossible to function some days, especially in early adulthood after being raised with absolutely zero healthy coping skills.
You start researching your symptoms, and eventually, you find your way to narcissistic abuse.
Then everyone screams no contact as if it’s the only option you have and yet again reinforces the learned helplessness and learned hopelessness of your situation.
During all this (as if that’s not enough), you’re also dealing with the rules of society telling you you’re a bad person because all mothers are wonderful. Then you find people like me saying you’re not a bad person and your mother isn’t wonderful. It’s more confusing than ever before, and your life has been completely turned upside, but upside down is right-side up.
If you’re experiencing symptoms of (CEN) Child Emotional Neglect as an adult, it feels like this wave of paralyzing sadness mixed with many other emotions that are impossible to describe. This is what learned hopelessness and learned helplessness FEELS like. It’s that dark pit in your stomach and every time you felt this feeling as a child, it was true. It was hopeless and there was nothing you could do. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and no one was coming to save you.
If you know the emotion I’m describing here; then you are in the right place.
And as someone who has and is healing from this, you should know many people out there unconsciously choose to stay unwell. They don’t know how else to be, and not only that; they want you to stay unwell with them. You already know misery loves company.
Those are not my people, I’m looking for real answers, and you’ll be happy to know I found one, and I’m going to share it with you.
You don’t find answers to childhood emotional neglect in adults easily or by accident.
Something leads you down a path, and if the shoe fits, you’ll find your way here. If you were raised by a narcissistic mother or father, you feel obsessively compelled to find more answers. Next, everyone is going on and on about how you need to set boundaries and get your needs met. It’s a whirlwind of information and opinions, and oh my.
If you were like me when I began this journey, I didn’t have a definition for the word boundaries, and I had no idea what that meant. People have needs? Since when? Boundaries? I was not made aware of any such thing.
So to say that we have unrealistic expectations for love and happiness is incorrect. We have no idea what we’re doing. I was completely unaware and totally confused. Not to mention the fact that our whole lives, we’ve been taught that love and happiness are gained from outside sources.
Everything we’ve been taught is literally and completely backward. Love and happiness come from the inside, not the outside, which is the only way a narcissist can get the “supply” they so desperately need because they are unable and incapable of manifesting it on the inside.
In hindsight, you see that you were raised by someone who is emotionally disabled, but for you, it’s a learned behavior, and that means you can unlearn it.
(RTT) Rapid Transformational Therapy to undo and unlearn what you’ve been raised to believe in as little as one to three sessions.
Will this session cost you $200 to $400? Yes. However, you’ll be paying only a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy and only a fraction of what I’ve invested in helping bring this to people. It’s beyond anything else you’ve tried, and there’s nothing to lose. How will you know nothing works until you’ve tried everything?
I guarantee you’re going to spend ten times that amount trying to heal from childhood emotional neglect using ineffective methods, and even if it works for a day, it won’t last. This is not like that. This is new, and it’s permanent. It’s a permanent emotional shift.
Hey, I didn’t believe it either, but here I am, a fully certified and licensed RTT Practitioner. It’s all I do now, and it’s one of only about two things I believe in.
This method of healing has won twelve awards, it’s been scientifically proven, and it has a 95% success rate. I promote very few things on this blog because I’ve been experimenting with all different types of healing, meditation, and even generic self-hypnosis (which is the only one that gave me significant results).
I was very familiar with self-hypnosis before I found RTT. After RTT, these other healing methods are like playing with other children’s toys. A personal Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy session is at least one hundred levels up from anything you’ve ever experienced.
If you’re still super skeptical about this, then take Marisa Peer’s free masterclass for Uncompromised Life, and that one hour will change your life forever. And it’s free, then when you’re convinced, you come back and get your personal session from me.
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own. That’s the hard way. If you’d like to know more about the RTT sessions to help you recover from narcissistic abuse, you can read more here or visit my homepage.
Another at-home option many people like connects you with a professional psychologist or licensed therapist online. Consider Online-Therapy (20% off affiliate link). You don’t have to be face-to-face. They’re available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so you don’t have to wait for an appointment. It’s affordable, and you pay much less than seeing a therapist in person.
Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.