Daughters with narcissistic mothers are fighting back in ways that no one sees.
Narcissistic mothers do so much damage to their children we question whether we should bring our own children into the world.
Some of us refuse to have children because we know things about the world most people will never experience, and most of the time don’t even believe people like this exist.
Daughters with narcissistic mothers are isolated from the world.
Concentrating in school is a lost cause when you’re basically in a fog most of your childhood. Making friends is impossible when you’re not allowed to have them.
There is no support system outside of your mother; outside of her, you know nothing.
You won’t be close to your siblings since everyone else is traumatized and doing their best to get through the day. There’s no emotional support or anyone to help talk you through things in life because no one is allowed to influence you.
By the time you develop some awareness, you feel like you’ve been left in the dark.
Your feelings don’t matter, your voice doesn’t count, and the only way to get scraps of love is to always be agreeable.
Agree or be punished…
Daughters with narcissistic mothers can never win their mother’s approval.
I wasted a lifetime trying to please my mother so I, too, would be considered loved and loveable.
Meanwhile, she’s doing everything in her power to make sure I can never measure up.
Imagine being put down every single day of your childhood.
Imagine everything you do, everything you say is criticized and invalidated on a daily basis.
Now tell me, how do you recover from that and act like a normal adult?
Narcissistic mothers make sure everyone in the family blames you.
Many of us never know the truth and never recover.
The family is 100% unanimous and agreed on one thing; you’re the problem.
You have no rights, no way to defend yourself, and judgment has been passed. By the time you realize what’s happening, it’s already too late. Your only choice is to accept that you must be the problem because you’re the only one who doesn’t think so.
Eventually, you’re convinced you’re a terrible person, and you must be if you’re own mother doesn’t love you.
Deep down, you carry these lies with you. You believe them, which convinces us we can’t be good mothers.
The reality is your whole life is, in fact, a lie.
Everything you know and everything you’ve been told is 100% false.
This journal is the story of my life, and only daughters with narcissistic mothers will understand what it feels like to be sabotaged since birth.
With this kind of mother, you don’t need enemies.
They need to see their children fail and feel like failures so they can feel better about themselves. She becomes extremely jealous of her daughter’s youth. She will do anything to destroy her daughter’s self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love.
And yes, all of this is to serve one ultimate purpose, to make her feel a little better inside.
No one is allowed to be better or more right than her. Being right is the only thing that matters to a narcissistic mother, and what is right doesn’t matter at all. When she’s bored, she loves to play her favorite game of messing with your emotions. It’s so simple and yet almost impossible to understand. What kind of a mother purposely plays games with her child’s emotions just for fun?
There’s really no more to it.
You find out the only reason you were abused your whole childhood was so your mother could entertain herself when she’s bored or have someone to blame so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her behavior. She’s not a good mother; she’s not really a mother at all. It’s the ultimate betrayal because you realize she’s your worst enemy and all you ever did was love her.
The deepest kind of sadness.
This is something I’ve been aware of my whole life. I’ve carried this sadness with me and never understood it. When you’re raised by a narcissistic mother who doesn’t have the ability to love you, it leaves a permanent sense of sadness.
It lives there inside you, with your soul. Your soul knows this is not a loving mother, and it’s always known if you look deep enough.
When this kind of sadness sits for too long, it turns into rage. It stays there to remind me that in this life, I will never experience what’s it’s like to have a loving mother, and it’s way past time to start protecting myself from her. When you get to this anger stage, it’s there for a reason, and it turns into your best defense against narcissistic abuse.
If you can’t trust you’re own mother, what do you do?
You question every decision you’ve ever made because you were taught to believe you could trust your mother. You were taught to believe everything she said and did was in your best interest.
But it’s a lie.
Daughters with narcissistic mothers are traumatized.
Traumatized children grow up to be traumatized adults. You, of course, are entirely unaware of this and have been lied to your whole life about what a loving mother feels like. You don’t have an idea what it feels like to be loved by a mother, and you have no idea how to be a mother.
Half the time, you wonder if you are your mother. I would never want to treat a child the way my mother treated me, and I wasn’t prepared when my two babies came into the world. I was beaten down with absolutely zero emotional support or any support of any kind from my family.
It was easy to convince me I was a bad person and could never be a good mother.
I gave up my children to save them. My children didn’t bond with their adoptive family, and it didn’t go well, but I know, and you know it was the lesser of two evils.
I would choose men who treated me the same way my mother did. Being treated this way was familiar to me because that kind of abusive interaction is what home feels like.
By signing those papers to give up my children, it gave them one thing I never had.
Their fathers couldn’t touch, and neither could my mother. They were safer without me than with me. Today as adults, I remind them both they don’t owe anyone anything. A piece of paper may change your name and make you live with some people until you’re eighteen, but after that, you’re free. I patiently waited fifteen years to see and speak to my children. It wasn’t hard to win them back because my love for them is the purest thing I have.
Narcissistic mothers take away a child’s right to be human.
When you’re raised to believe you’re bad and you’re attacked daily by a narcissistic mother, you were never given a fair fight.
You never had a chance.
In some ways, our lives seem to happen to us instead of us making our lives happen. We end up being forced into adoptions, and many times, the narcissistic grandmother tries to legally adopt the children after she single-handedly destroyed her own daughter in unexplainable and insidious ways.
A narcissistic grandmother will do anything to be in control, to keep control, and will go to any length to destroy her own children. They will lie, cheat, steal, call the cops, and turn you into child protection services if you refuse her access to her grandchildren.
She will do everything in her power to turn your children against you. If she can’t do that, she’ll systematically chip away at their self-esteem, choosing a favorite and a bad one for narcissistic supply. My purpose is to break this cycle and stop this from happening to the next generation. My grandchildren will be free from all of this.
What daughters with narcissistic mothers are up against.
This illness in your family has been going on for generations. It didn’t start with you and not because of you. It’s been going on for hundreds of years, and if you’re here, you’ve been chosen for a very important task.
This kind of abuse doesn’t stop until someone wakes up and puts a stop to it. One of the worst things that can happen to the daughter of a narcissist is to have her children ripped away by the mother who abused her.
Would you be able to recover if your children were turned against you by your own mother?
These are not the kind of wounds that heal. The best thing about kids is they believe the truth when they hear it in their mother’s voice. Children with loving mothers sense these things. Just like children with narcissistic mothers sense, something is wrong, but they don’t know what it is.
The ultimate sacrifice is doing what’s best for your children no matter what the cost is to you as their mother. Protecting the next generation is the only thing that matters because we would never want our children to experience what we went through.
My children are young adults now, and my only mission is to help them heal so before I die, they can be whole and live their best life. The truth is the daughter of a narcissistic mother can be an excellent mother. A better mother than the one she was given because of the pain she suffered as a child. If you make a mistake (as all mothers do), the guilt is brutal, but it makes you better.
Many of us still choose not to have children for fear of continuing the cycle of abuse. We understand damaged people raise damaged children, and if I did to my children what my mother did to me, I would never forgive myself. For those of you who choose not to have children, I want you to know I understand, and you have my respect.
For those of you still fighting to get your babies back, please know we can hear you because we are just like you, and you are not alone.
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own. That’s the hard way. If you’d like to know more about the RTT sessions to help you recover from narcissistic abuse, you can read more here or visit my homepage.
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Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.