You end up finding the definition of a narcissistic mother by researching your own symptoms.
I didn’t understand myself, and I could not figure out wtf was wrong with me, so I went to doctor Google to figure it out.
I didn’t know how to communicate my issues, and when you’re like this, no one can help.
I was officially on a mission to fix myself, and then I found what I wasn’t looking for.
Why wasn’t my life working for me?
Life seemed to be so much harder for me than everyone else.
I had this unbearable internal malfunction, and when I searched for answers about this paralyzing self-doubt, all I found was other people with the same kind of problem in different degrees.
No matter what they said, I knew they were full of shit.
Have you ever watched someone lie to themselves?
It’s like that.
In many ways, I completely disregarded the abuse I suffered as a child as relevant to the struggles I had in early adulthood.
There was other kinds of abuse in my childhood not related to my mother. She knew about it, but because she never had any empathy for me, so I learned to not have any for myself.
Most people have no idea what a narcissist is and have never personally experienced one.
You don’t just wake up one day and decide your mother is a narcissist.
Most of us find each other later in life, and suddenly your whole world is about narcissists.
When you start understanding narcissistic behaviors, at first, they’re everywhere and “omg, that’s so narcissistic.”
What’s even worse is sometimes you’re right.
You start paying attention to your mother and your family.
You begin to see things you didn’t see before, and your heart sinks to the bottom of your stomach.
That’s the definition of a narcissistic mother.
The quiet, sinking, stomach-churning truth.
You realize you didn’t have a good mother.
You don’t know what having a good mother feels like, and you find it hard to relate to people who do know what a loving mother feels like.
Be careful who you listen to because only a small percentage of the population can understand what you’ve been through.
Welcome to the fallout of having a narcissistic mother.
They say children are resilient, and then you look in the mirror.
Do you still believe children are resilient?
You’ve opened pandora’s box, and all you see is LIES.
This is not your run of the mill curse. It’s past down from generation to generation, and that’s the true depth of what you’re up against.
You wish you could go back to sleep, back to oblivion, but it’s too late.
The definition of narcissistic abuse is in your bones.
It will shudder you to your very core.
Disproving what your gut tells you to be true.
This answer is not what you were looking for and not what you were going towards.
Your mind, your world, and everything you used to believe won’t be true anymore.
You’ve never been more alone in your life, and what’s worse is you’ve been alone this whole time and didn’t know it.
What you’re experiencing is the fallout of Child Emotional Neglect.
Among other things.
If you have kids of your own, it’s your duty to educate yourself as much as possible.
It’s your responsibility to find the resources you need to keep your head straight.
You don’t always need therapy, and not everyone needs a life coach, but it’s not a bad idea for you to touch base with one or the other.
You research the effects of narcissistic abuse until your eyes dry up and turn red.
The research phase is good for you because you need the language so you can communicate your struggle and put it into words.
Not only so other people can understand you, but so you can understand yourself.
Depending on your situation, you might find the explanations you need, and that’s all you came for.
My internal issues were debilitating, and you can go to the doctor and tell him you don’t feel good, but I tried all that, and there’s no pill you can take to make this kind of pain go away.
Once you’ve been enlightened, you will be forced to deal with it one way or another.
I needed more, so I got into life coaching.
Best money I’ve ever spent.
I considered therapy but therapy is about the why a person has problems, and that’s not my problem.
I knew why.
I know the definition of a narcissistic mother because I am the result; I am the proof.
You don’t realize the full extent of how this affected you until you remember those times you treated people the same way your mother treated you.
You don’t know how to forgive yourself because she never taught you how to do that either.
I know the why!
I’m a high functioning human being, but I had this horrifying black hole inside me getting stronger and stronger, consuming all the positive energy I had.
It would take over and shut me off for an undetermined period of time. Secretly, of course, I could never tell anyone how I felt because I couldn’t verbalize what it was.
When I first came across life coaching, I was like, “no and way, what is this new bs?” Don’t forget I’m highly skeptical because let’s be honest 98% of that stuff doesn’t work.
My only choice was to wait for it to go away, but I had no idea what it was or why it could do this to me.
Have you ever felt like no one understands you or that you never seem to really fit in anywhere?
When you’re the child of a narcissistic parent, you’re completely isolated from the world.
We never get too close to people because we weren’t allowed, and most people love their mothers and fathers in a way we’ve never experienced.
Reaching out to a therapist or a life coach online is a big ask for someone with this kind of background.
If you’re really stuck, and you know it, then please, for all the generations to come, take the next step and reach out.
No one is coming to save you.
You have to save yourself.
Nothing teaches you that more than healing from narcissistic abuse.
Slowly you come to terms with the definition of a narcissistic mother.
Your mind starts rewinding and undoing everything you’ve ever known.
This takes a long time, longer than you think it will or should.
Try not to fight it.
I was paying attention because I’m always fascinated by the mind.
The mind does what it wants or needs to do, and most of it is not understood by anyone.
I was able to separate myself from it and let it play in the background (24/7 for a very long time).
From the moment I woke up until the moment I laid down and even in my dreams.
I know what you’re going through.
We need to keep talking about it to keep us grounded.
I gave myself time alone and the space I needed to allow this to happen.
Sometimes I didn’t handle it well, but over the next year and a half, I kept practicing.
If I made a mistake, I would practice starting my day over.
Which can be very hard to do.
In the end, and from now on, you are 100% responsible for your action and behaviors.
And you always have been, but nobody teaches us these things.
When you’re struggling with the definition of a narcissistic mother, here is a tiny book full of magic.
The Power of Now and Practicing the Power of Now.
This book will come in handy for every area of your life and will accelerate the healing process dramatically.
I don’t know if I would’ve made it without this book, but I do, I was meant to read it because it was the beginning of my transformation.
When you think you’re losing your mind, Practice the Power of Now.
Eckhart Tolle explains how to start practicing by focusing on all the details of whatever room you’re in.
I learned to stop my anxiety and pull it together.
I’m a huge skeptic, so even though I try things, I don’t expect them to work, and most of it’s meh, but this wasn’t like that.
This actually worked.
Life coaching actually works.
That’s why I’m talking to you about it.
I’m not in this for the money, and I don’t promote crappy products or give advice I don’t believe in.
You won’t ever see any ads on this site either because I hate ads, and I’m not about that.
You can find The Power of Now and Practicing The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle on Amazon.
They also come in audiobook so you can listen in your car (which I’m into these days).
Here’s the description of a narcissistic mother if you’re searching for the words:
- She wants total control, and that includes her husband and, in my case, even her mother, her father, and her sister. She had complete control over the entire family, and anyone who didn’t comply (like my father’s side) was banished forever. I never knew my grandparents on my father’s side; we weren’t allowed to see them even though they lived less than one mile away my entire childhood.
- Early on, a narcissistic mother will choose a good child and a bad child and pit them against each other for the rest of their lives. In the mind of a narcissist, there is only good or bad, black or white, and nothing else.
- She needs someone to place the blame on because she can never be anything but excellent and blameless at all times and in every way. She will tell her scapegoat child no to assert her authority over them, cause drama because she’s bored, or to hurt them for being just a little bit too happy.
- She’s a very negative person, has nothing nice to say about anyone, and as soon as they turn their back, she’s cutting them to shreds. She also puts certain people on a pedestal and makes sure you know you’re less than.
- She doesn’t see her children as individual human beings, and instead of encouraging independence, she’s scrambling for ways to keep her child miserable, oppressed, isolated, and uninformed. It’s not that you didn’t have a lot of friends because you’re unlikable. You weren’t allowed to have friends and who in their right mind would bring a friend home to that. If given a chance, she’ll try to turn your friends against you and isn’t beneath dating your ex’s or taking their side during a breakup.
- She’s two-faced. One face for the public eye and the other is usually seen by the scapegoat or whoever she’s currently abusing. Narcissists are very careful about who they abuse because they’re smart enough to only do it when they know they can get away with it. What better way to get away with it than by using your own child. People use and abuse children every day because they know they can get away with it.
- One of the best descriptions of a narcissistic mother is mean, vindictive, and most of all haughty. The word haughty can be used to accurately describe all narcissistic females.
I could go on for days about the definition of a narcissistic mother, but the real definition is inside you.
It’s already there.
When you hear the truth for the first time in your life, you feel it in your bones, your guts, and your soul.
I hope this post helps you believe yourself, believe what your seeing, and believe what your feeling.
It’s the truth screaming to get out.
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own.
To speed up my healing process, I got into life coaching, and it changed everything for me.
I took it a step further and became a life coach so I could learn how to help other people like me.
Coaching actually works, and it works quickly when you use a specially trained coach. Check out my page here to learn more about it.
When you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, sometimes you need help. If you have more severe symptoms like debilitating depression, PTSD, or C-PTSD, you can connect with a professional therapist online.
Try Online-Therapy (20% off affiliate link).
You don’t have to be face-to-face or meet them in an office.
They’re available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so there’s no waiting three weeks for an appointment.
It’s affordable, and you pay much less than seeing a therapist in person.
Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.