You end up finding the definition of a narcissistic mother by researching your own symptoms. I didn’t understand myself, and I could not figure out wtf was wrong with me, so I went to doctor Google to figure it out. I didn’t know how to communicate my issues, and when you’re like this, no one can help.
I was officially on a mission to fix myself, and then I found what I wasn’t looking for.
Why wasn’t my life working for me?
Life seemed to be so much harder for me than everyone else. I had this severe internal malfunction, and when I searched for answers about this paralyzing self-doubt, all I found were other people with the same kind of problem in different degrees. No matter what they said, I knew they were full of shit.
Have you ever watched someone lie to themselves?
It’s like that.
In many ways, I completely disregarded the abuse I suffered as a child as relevant to the struggles I had in early adulthood. There were other kinds of abuse in my childhood not related to my mother. She knew about it, but because she never had any empathy for me, I learned to not have any for myself.
I’m sure you can relate. Have you ever taken a moment out of your day to acknowledge what you’ve accomplished, or is it always never enough?
Most people have no idea what a narcissist is and have never personally experienced one.
You don’t just wake up one day and decide your mother is a narcissist. Most of us find each other later in life, and suddenly our whole world is about narcissists. When you start understanding narcissistic behaviors, at first, they’re everywhere, and “omg, that’s so narcissistic.”
What’s even worse is sometimes you’re right. You start paying attention to your mother and your family. You begin to see things you didn’t see before, and your heart sinks to the bottom of your stomach.
That’s the definition of a narcissistic mother.
The quiet, sinking, stomach-churning truth.
You realize you didn’t have a good mother.
You don’t know what having a good mother feels like, and you find it hard to relate to people who do know what a loving mother feels like. Be careful who you listen to because only a tiny percentage of the population can understand what you’ve been through.
Welcome to the fallout of having a narcissistic mother.
They say children are resilient, and then you look in the mirror.
Do you still believe children are resilient?
You’ve opened pandora’s box, and all you see is LIES. This is not your run-of-the-mill curse. It’s passed down from generation to generation, and that’s the true depth of what you’re up against.
You wish you could go back to sleep, back to oblivion, but it’s too late.
The definition of narcissistic abuse is in your bones.
It will shudder you to your very core.
Disproving what your gut tells you to be true. This answer is not what you were looking for and not what you were going towards. Your mind, your world, and everything you used to believe won’t be true anymore. You’ve never been more alone in your life, and what’s worse is you’ve been alone this whole time and didn’t know it.
What you’re experiencing is the fallout of Child Emotional Neglect.
Among other things. If you have kids of your own, it’s your duty to educate yourself as much as possible. It’s your responsibility to find the resources you need to keep your head straight.
You don’t always need therapy, and not everyone needs a life coach, but it’s not a bad idea for you to connect with one or the other. You research the effects of narcissistic abuse until your eyes dry up and turn red.
The research phase is good for you because you need the language to communicate your struggle and put it into words. Not only so other people can understand you, but so you can understand yourself. Depending on your situation, you might find the explanations you need, and that’s all you came for.
My internal issues were debilitating, and you can go to the doctor and tell him you don’t feel good, but I tried all that, and there’s no pill you can take to make this kind of pain go away.
Once you’ve been enlightened, you will be forced to deal with it one way or another.
You know the definition of a narcissistic mother because you are the result; you are the proof.
You don’t realize the full extent of how this affected you until you remember those times you treated people the same way your mother treated you.
You don’t know how to forgive yourself because she never taught you how to do that either.
I’m a high-functioning human being, but I had this horrifying black hole inside me getting stronger and stronger, consuming all the positive energy I had. It would take over and shut me off for an undetermined period of time. Secretly, of course, I could never tell anyone how I felt because I couldn’t verbalize what it was.
My only choice was to wait for it to go away, but I had no idea what it was or why it could do this to me.
Have you ever felt like no one understands you or that you never seem to fit in anywhere?
When you’re the child of a narcissistic parent, you’re completely isolated from the world. We never get too close to people because we weren’t allowed, and most people love their mothers and fathers in a way we’ve never experienced. But after going no contact with a narcissistic family, you feel like something is missing, and something is missing.
It’s the abuse.
You think you’re all alone until you realize you’ve always been alone; you just didn’t know it. And I’d like to add that I’ve never felt more alone than when I’m with my narcissistic family.
Eventually, you understand that no one is coming to save you.
You have to save yourself.
Nothing teaches you that more than healing from narcissistic abuse.
You slowly come to terms with the definition of a narcissistic mother.
Your mind starts rewinding and undoing everything you’ve ever known, and this takes a long time, longer than you think it will or should.
Try not to fight it. I was paying attention because I’m always fascinated by the mind. The mind does what it wants or needs to do, and most of it is not understood by anyone.
Coming to terms with this feels like a grieving process because everything you thought you knew was a lie. You were living in a glass house and the entire thing shattered to the ground.
Here’s the description of a narcissistic mother if you’re searching for the words:
- She wants total control, and that includes her husband and, in my case, even her mother, her father, and her sister. She had complete control over the entire family, and anyone who didn’t comply (like my father’s side) was banished forever. I never knew my grandparents on my father’s side; we weren’t allowed to see them even though they lived less than one mile away my entire childhood.
- Early on, a narcissistic mother will choose a good child and a bad child and pit them against each other for the rest of their lives. In the mind of a narcissist, there is only good or bad, black or white, and nothing else.
- She needs someone to place the blame on because she can never be anything but excellent and blameless at all times and in every way. She will constantly tell her scapegoat child “no” to assert her authority over them, cause drama because she’s bored, or hurt them for being just a little bit too happy.
- She’s a very negative person, has nothing nice to say about anyone, and as soon as they turn their back, she’s cutting them to shreds. She also puts certain people on a pedestal and makes sure you know you’re less than them.
- She doesn’t see her children as individual human beings, and instead of encouraging independence, she’s scrambling for ways to keep her child miserable, oppressed, isolated, and uninformed. It’s not that you didn’t have a lot of friends because you’re unlikable. You weren’t allowed to have friends, and who in their right mind would bring a friend home to that. If given a chance, she’ll try to turn your friends against you and isn’t beneath dating your exes or taking their side during a breakup.
- She’s two-faced. One face for the public eye, and the other is usually seen by the scapegoat or whoever she’s currently abusing. Narcissists are very careful about who they abuse because they’re smart enough to only do it when they know they can get away with it. What better way to get away with it than by using your own child. People use and abuse children every day because they know they can get away with it.
- One of the best descriptions of a narcissistic mother is mean, vindictive, and most of all, haughty. The word haughty can be used to accurately describe all narcissistic females.
I could go on for days about the definition of a narcissistic mother, but the real definition is inside you.
It’s already there.
When you hear the truth for the first time in your life, you feel it in your bones, your guts, and your soul. I hope this post helps you believe yourself, believe what you’re seeing, and believe what you’re feeling because it’s the truth screaming to get out.
After this painful discovery stage and you get a better understanding of what’s been done to you, the rage from being raised by a narcissistic parent comes next.
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own. That’s the hard way. If you’d like to know more about the RTT sessions to help you recover from narcissistic abuse, you can read more here or visit my homepage.
Another at-home option many people like connects you with a professional psychologist or licensed therapist online. Consider Online-Therapy (20% off affiliate link). You don’t have to be face-to-face. They’re available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so you don’t have to wait for an appointment. It’s affordable, and you pay much less than seeing a therapist in person.
Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.