What is the real definition of healthy boundaries and self-awareness? How do you become self-aware? Is this something other people have that you don’t? Can it be taught, or is this really a term for something else entirely?
What if you grew up never hearing the words healthy boundaries and self-awareness? What if you were never taught this life lesson growing up? Because of this, I like to make my own definitions for words and it gives me a better understanding.
The definition of having healthy boundaries and self-awareness is being who you want to be in the moments it counts.
It’s being perfectly content and comfortable in your own skin. It’s about self-love and having real and unconditional love for your “self.” It’s not a skill you need to learn. It’s an emotional state of being and knowing.
People who are not self-aware are not okay inside. People who don’t have healthy boundaries usually have no idea what that looks like because their boundaries have been constantly violated by someone they trust. They’re distracted and controlled by something other than their own intuition. I’ve been this person, and that’s how I know this to be true. I find the term self-aware confusing. You get some definitions like “it’s about aligning with your values or becoming the oneness of yourself” what does that even mean? Shut up.
Awareness and becoming self-aware is painful, at times excruciating, and it requires the courage to be brutally honest with yourself.
Self-awareness and having healthy boundaries go hand in hand, but these are not “skills” you need to be taught.
These are emotional issues, and once you resolve the emotional problems, healthy boundaries and self-awareness happen automatically. There’s no guilt, shame, or fear controlling you, and you no longer make decisions based on those negative feelings. Most negative emotions are directed at yourself, and we made decisions based on a perceived lack of worthiness or not being good enough.
We felt obligated. We were programmed, conditioned, raised to believe our childhood was perfectly normal and that something must be wrong with your personality because everyone else is happy, whole, and doesn’t know what you’re talking about.
It’s kinda hard to understand self-awareness and boundaries when your narcissistic mother made it her mission in life to make sure that never happened. Once you outgrow a narcissistic parent emotionally, they lose all control over you, and they know it, so they do everything in their power to keep you believing you’re weak, wrong, and nothing you ever do can make it right.
People don’t understand what narcissistic abuse does to the mind.
They have no idea how bad it is, especially if the narcissist is your mother, father, or both. Then we end up in relationships with the same kind of people because it’s familiar to us and it’s what home feels like. All I can tell you is if it feels like home, take a step back.
You’re not half as messed up as you’ve been programmed to believe. That’s the problem with narcissistic abuse. It makes you THINK you’re crazy. Thinking you’re crazy and being crazy is not the same thing. Thinking you’re crazy is much more painful because crazy people don’t think they’re crazy. A narcissistic parent can’t see how their behavior affects their children, and if they do have some awareness, then they’re cowards for not changing their behavior.
Narcisisst = Coward
Don’t get me wrong, I know they can also be very dangerous, but deep down, they are all cowards.
You’re not a narcissist or a coward because you’re aware and willing to do the work it takes to be a better human than the people who raised you. If you were anything like them, you wouldn’t be here reading this. You know why I went public and splattered this all online? Because you have to be looking for this information to find it. The narcissists I used to know are not looking for this information. The chances of them finding this online are minimal, and it’s been five years now.
I have no fear. There’s nothing they can do to me that hasn’t already been done, and I’m not the powerless little girl I used to be. As you heal from narcissistic abuse, you will become more self-aware than you’ve ever been. You will have and enforce healthy boundaries without even trying or thinking about it.
The biggest issue in all this is the fear.
Once you remove the fear, nothing can control you ever again. Once you heal from narcissistic abuse, you will be unstoppable, so don’t get all caught up in the anxiety about having healthy boundaries and self-awareness. It will happen naturally as you heal. It comes from a place inside of you that no one else can give to you. It’s simply you fully present.
The fear comes from a place of hopelessness and helplessness. I felt this my whole childhood, and it was true then. There was nothing I could do, and I had no control over my situation. As we grow up, we continue to believe this and feel that way. Your mother starts screaming demands, and you’re instantly right back in that place in your mind. Trapped and hopeless. And this did happen to you. You were completely self-aware that it was hopeless and you were helpless. That’s why it gets so confusing. You weren’t wrong then, you weren’t unaware then, but now you have to convince your mind it’s not the same now after being stuck in that place for literally decades.
Healthy boundaries and self-awareness have no destination either.
You will never arrive at some place of complete self-awareness, and what healthy boundaries look like for you are not the same for everyone else. There is no playbook. There’s no right way or wrong way. There is only your way and what makes you happy and content.
These two words are ways of being and are always available to teach you more about yourself. They are tools, not skills. You already have the skills, and now you understand how the tools work.
I hope this simplifies things for you because that’s what’s important. We need to stop overcomplicating everything. Most people are talking smack, and they don’t understand or practice what they preach. My focus is helping people step into their personal power so they can define things for themselves because no one can do that for you. You define you. As long as it makes sense to you and helps you be and do better, that’s all that matters.
Your opinion is the only opinion that matters. Your opinion of yourself is your self-esteem. Your self-esteem and how you feel about yourself is self-awareness. As your opinion of yourself improves, you automatically set healthy boundaries because you like yourself and love yourself.
It’s about choosing you. I choose me, and I’m learning to choose me every single time.
If you’d like to keep reading, I have many more opinions on how to define yourself like:
How Narcissistic Abuse Makes A Perfectly Sane Person THINK They’re Crazy
Do You Have Weird Behaviors From Being Raised By A Narcissistic Mother?
This Is The Real Definition of a Narcissistic Mother