Narcissistic mothers don’t have children for the same reasons that normal mothers do.
They don’t have children because they want to see their cute little fingers and toes.
They don’t have children to watch them grow and play to remind them of the good things in life.
A narcissistic mother has children for a very different purpose.
They know that a child will love them unconditionally and that they will have complete control over their lives.
These children are essentially born to be slaves to the narcissistic parent.
From a very young age, I felt her resentment towards me.
It wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I realized how strange that was.
I must have been really bad, what else could it be?
Another thing to point out is that mothers like this are obsessively concerned about what society thinks of them.
Their reputation and outside appearance is the only thing that matters.
They could never choose not to have children, what would people say?
Covert narcissists are hard to spot because, in public, they act as other parents do.
Not just in public either, as soon as my father walked into the room, she became a completely different person.
We would spend all day with the nastiest mother on the face of the earth, and as soon as he walked in, she had an instant personality change.
This is how a malignant covert narcissist behaves, they can be very subtle when they need to be, very clever, and I know since I couldn’t really do anything else but silently watch and observe.
How do you defend yourself against that?
The best time of day was when Dad came home, then we could all breathe for awhile.
But eventually, by the time I was fourteen, she succeeded in turning him against me too.
Suddenly out of nowhere, he was fuming at me because I was wasting money using too many razors for shaving.
I said, “Dad, she buys ten for a dollar.”
He looked a little stunned, turn around, and that was it.
This is just one of many examples, but she would get him all worked up in a tither over nothing for no other reason than to punish me.
She enjoyed it, this is how narcissistic mothers get supply.
This is why they have children, they need a resource for a constant supply.
She worked overtime looking for things to punish me for because I was not a bad child, I was very obedient trying to please my mother.
I was no shrinking violet either and by the time I was a young adult, it was full-on war between her and me.
Don’t forget I was raised by a narcissist and I can go all day, all week, and survived year after year with no quit.
And I did it completely isolated and alone.
Narcissistic mothers isolate their children.
I was never allowed to socialize or do anything without my mother right there unless it was a church function.
Church and religion can be highly important to a narcissistic parent.
It demands obedience and what they believe is the only way to heaven as they preach at you their weaponized God.
I joined 4-H, my mother decided to be the 4-H leader of my group.
I got involved with gymnastics and loved it.
She decided she didn’t like the coach, and I never did gymnastics again.
She wanted me to play the piano and was going to teach me herself.
When that didn’t work out, she proceeded to find me the meanest teacher in town.
I didn’t respond well to this woman, and eventually, she told my daft mother that if I wasn’t going to practice, there was no sense in paying for piano lessons.
I can go on with examples, but basically, she did everything she could to sabotage what I enjoyed and this was just her usual nitpicking she did every day.
If there is any joy or happiness in your life, a narcissist will do everything to destroy it, it’s what they do.
You don’t get love or acceptance from a narcissist.
These are the kinds of memories flashes I have from my childhood.
I was picked on and bullied by her every single day of my entire existence for no other reason than her insatiable need to feel superior.
Lowering someone else and making them feel miserable is the only way a narcissist can get supply.
And they need a constant supply.
There is no better way to feed this need than having a child.
You’re not a person to a narcissistic mother; she considers her children as an extension of herself.
As you grow older and develop your independence this enrages a narcissistic parent.
They want total control or nothing so when you start voicing your own thoughts, opinions, or emotions they see this as a threat to their control.
They can also be extremely jealous of their daughters and when you’re dealing with jealousy it’s one of the most wicked of the seven deadly sins.
Why does a narcissistic mother treat her children differently?
It’s important to understand that a narcissist can’t give or receive love.
Narcissism is on a broad spectrum, but their ability to give and receive love is very limited compared to a normal person.
Usually (but not always), the second-born child is designated as ‘the problem’ in the family.
There has to be someone to blame because a narcissist will never take responsibility or admit to any wrongdoing.
We are called the family scapegoats.
I was chosen because I challenged her behavior and have since I was able to form thoughts.
We are the truthtellers, and the truth is a narcissist’s worst nightmare.
Scapegoats are by nature non-conformist, and not easily controlled.
This is my God-given personality, it’s literally the essence of who I am, and she hated me for that.
If your mother is a narcissist, she will despise you for your moral character and your ability to love unconditionally.
A narcissistic mother doesn’t attack her weakest child, there’s no need to.
When she realized I couldn’t be easily controlled, she designated me as the family scapegoat.
I would spend my entire life believing that I was the problem and that something must be very wrong with me to be so unlovable.
I was raised to believe I was bad and that everyone else was somehow better than me.
I had zero self-esteem and was taught not to trust my own emotions and feelings.
To this day, everything I do in her eyes is bad, wrong, and shameful.
That’s not a mother.
On top of all these things, I also grew up without a mother’s love.
The only time I got any resemblance of love or affection from her was in public, in front of an audience so she could prove to perfect strangers that she was a good mother.
How do you defend yourself from that?
How do you explain that to people?
I was unable to defend myself, I wasn’t even allowed.
I grew up never feeling heard, and I was never given emotional support.
She convinced every single family member that I was the problem and that I was the only one to blame.
Just a bad child.
I wish the problem was me so I could fix it.
If it’s not me, then one thing is for sure…
All hope is lost.
I can only save myself.
If you were raised this way, it’s possible you’ve never put it into words, and that feeling in your gut?
You were trained not to trust yourself, you were told you’re overly emotional, sensitive, and dramatic.
But it’s a lie.
Always trust your gut.
A good mother teaches her children how to defend themselves.
With this kind of mother, you’re not even allowed to defend yourself.
So tell me, does any of this ring true for you?
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Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.