Do you think you’re empath raised by a narcissist?
Do you think being raised by a narcissist creates an empath in order to survive?
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to how narcissistic abuse affects a person.
It’s a personal experience most people will never understand.
We are all different, even if the label is the same.
It also doesn’t mean you can’t be an empath or highly empathic.
When you get into narcissistic abuse recovery, you find many conflicting opinions.
Opinions on this subject can create a blanket effect where large groups of people believe only one thing, and it can only be that way.
In some circles, empaths get a bad representation as being “soft,” which couldn’t be further from the truth.
An empath that doesn’t know they’re an empath isn’t soft or delicate.
Most of the time they’re confused because they don’t understand what’s happening internally.
When you’re the scapegoat daughter of a narcissistic mother, and people tell you can’t be empathic, they are wrong.
Shahida Arabi did a study on a group of 733 adult children raised by a narcissistic parent, and this is what she wrote.
Empathic adult children of a narcissist lack a sense of “deservingness” causing them to believe they are not owed anything, not even basic respect or decency.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula calls this syndrome, “I’m not enoughers.”
We are I’m not enoughers, and it can be managed when you’re aware of it.
No one can tell you your story, and it only adds to the confusion when people make blanket statements about what an empath can and can’t be.
As if there’s some rule book.
Narcissistic abuse is years of repetitive psychological and emotional abuse.
It creates a dark side, a cold side, and it’s there for a reason, you wouldn’t be human without it.
Empaths are not weak or meek or soft.
We are underestimated, we know it, and we use it to our advantage.
When I started to heal from being raised by a narcissistic mother I moved out of state and put some distance between us. Each time I went back I kept noticing how off I felt in her presents.
I didn’t feel like this at home or when I wasn’t with her.
As an empath, I would absorb the emotions of other people around me and it felt like this uncontrollable tick that forced me to behave in a certain manner.
It didn’t feel like me and I didn’t understand it.
I’d never heard the word empath. I was raised in a small town church where everyone is highly judgmental and there is no room for a little magic.
I always felt like I had this magical little world that was deemed odd, strange, or a bit touched in the head.
Well, I still have this magical little world and I appreciate it, I’m grateful for because I truly believe it keeps me sane.
One of the worst things that can happen is being an empath and not know it.
I spent my early adult life constantly wondering what the hell was wrong with me, which is also normal textbook thinking for a child raised by a narcissist.
However, when you’re an empath and don’t know it, there’s a whole other dimension to your experience non-empaths cannot understand.
They don’t understand and will more often than not dismiss it because, to them, it’s unknown.
My mother never understood me as a person, and she didn’t like anything about me.
This is normal for a narcissistic mother.
She doesn’t want to get me, and I don’t get her either.
Let’s face it; when you have a narcissistic parent, there is no doubt you’ve been ripped off in life.
Not only is it a twisted blurry mess for the child being abused in this way, but it’s also almost impossible for anyone to understand unless they experience it for themselves.
They will abuse you privately when no one else is looking.
If you try to defend yourself to other family members, they put on a great show, so everyone believes they are the victim.
Or they play the hero and tell everyone how they tried everything to raise you right.
No one connects the dots or sees the patterns.
You did, or you wouldn’t be reading this.
Understanding narcissistic behaviors can help, especially in low contact situations.
You’re not blind anymore, and you know what you’re clearly seeing, so you’re not surprised when they do the same things they’ve always done.
Fortunately, I’m also a rebel and I’m not going to go that way, I’m not going to live my life in that kind of madness.
I said magical, not madness.
A narcissistic parent can never be questioned or criticized by their children.
No matter what transpires, it’s always the child’s fault, and if you dare to imply otherwise, you’re viciously attacked.
Shame on you for thinking such a thing.
How dare you blame them for abusing you.
Stop acting like you’re being abused while you’re being abused.
How did this happen?
How did you get this way?
Everyone knows you had perfectly good and capable parents, so you must’ve been a bad child or a bad apple seed.
Dear reader, you’ve been sold a lie.
As a rebel, this pissed me off so bad I feel compelled to tell you my story because this shit is not gonna fly with me.
It’s healthy and normal to go to your mother or father for guidance.
Unfortunately, every time you do what normal and healthy children do, you are purposely, blatantly, and intentionally led astray.
Not just in childhood.
When you’re raised by a narcissist, you’ll be denied emotional support from that parent for a lifetime.
The psychological madness of a narcissist.
What they’re really after is your mind. They want you to think you’re going crazy. They want you to have a mental breakdown so they can justify accusing you of being the problem.
Preferably in public, so they can prove to everyone how unstable and abusive you are.
A narcissist will actively try to destroy a perfectly normal mind for no other reason than they want to; they feel compelled to tear other human beings apart.
Educate yourself, but be careful who you listen to and believe.
I’ve read many articles written by therapists who work with adult children raised by narcissists, and I don’t agree with all of it.
Some of what they say is true, but I don’t like how it’s so definitive and permanent.
They use words like you will always suffer and will never be able to overcome this affliction or be the person you’re meant to be.
Self-doubt is a big one for me and can be downright paralyzing, but I’m aware my level of self-doubt is an issue.
Being consciously aware of these weaknesses is the only way to confront them and dissolve the power they have.
Some therapists insist too much damage has been done, and we will go through life lost and unable to fully recover.
Personally, I think the only way to fully recover is to erase the past, and we can’t do that.
No one can.
So by this definition, no one can truly fully recover from anything, including the person giving these insights and advice.
Make your own judgments.
You have the power to fix yourself.
Instead of focusing on what we can’t change, I prefer to focus on what we can change.
This is called growth.
I believe we can outgrow narcissistic abuse.
If you survive this kind of abuse and make to the other side you’ll know what I’m telling you is true.
The first step is to stop the abuse.
I mistakenly thought once I went no contact, my work was done.
Oh, how wrong I was.
It was just the beginning.
I realized pretty quickly. I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know myself at all, and I started questioning my identity.
Who am I without my family?
What do you like?
I don’t know.
What’s your favorite color?
I don’t know.
I guess we’ll go with blue unless black is a color.
I wear black all the time, mostly every day and guess what?
Wearing black is instinctual, we use it to protect ourselves from negative vibes.
Now that makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
Healing and growth come down to one simple rule.
You have one mission, one quest, and it’s to know yourself better than anyone.
- You can’t trust anyone’s opinion of you.
- You can’t allow someone else to pass judgment on you.
- You can’t trust their limiting beliefs based on what little they know of you.
- You can never know another human being the way you know yourself, so I focus on that.
Get to know yourself better by taking a free personality test.
This explained me to myself, and I realized yes, this is how I am.
It’s more than okay, it’s normal, I’m normal, you’re normal.
It lets you know there are other people out there like you, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
What’s wrong is your narcissistic parent and now you’re finding people who understand.
I don’t know about you, but that feels good because it’s lonely out there.
4 Things I learned that helped me heal as a rebel and an empath raised by a narcissist.
1. Narcissistic parents don’t allow their children to get to know themselves.
They teach children not to trust their own natural instincts.
They feel threatened when their children start to develop their own independence and do whatever they can to stop it from happening.
This kind of repetitive psychological abuse causes learned helplessness in a child (among other things).
I didn’t know what this was until I saw the definition, and I didn’t like how horribly I was manipulated.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
It’s one of those things you wish someone would’ve told you twenty years ago.
2. Fear of failure and making the wrong decision.
We’re so afraid of making the wrong choice because a narcissist never misses an opportunity to crucify you for any minor infraction or failure.
It can be debilitating to do something as simple as shopping for clothes or ordering a meal.
Sometimes you make a bad decision and pick the wrong meal or choose clothes you don’t like when you get home.
Then there are flashbacks of getting raked over the coals every time you made a choice that wasn’t what the narcissistic parent wanted.
Narcissists teach their children failure is a terrible thing, and if you don’t get it right the first time, you’re worthless.
You should now how stupid they are because failure is how human beings learn to do it right.
When you fail at something, you learn how not to do it.
3. The highly critical and negative voice in your head.
The voice in your head is often of the person who raised you.
When you’re raised by a narcissist, that’s a pretty nasty voice.
It took me sixteen months to get her voice out of my head.
One day I noticed it wasn’t there anymore, and I’ve never been happier in my life.
It didn’t happen by itself.
It’s a process of actively correcting your thinking and replacing the negative, highly critical voice with something much more powerful.
Trust your instincts, they are there to protect you, and once you start listening to your inner voice, it only gets stronger.
Believe your inner voice even if it not as strong right now; the more you use and trust it, the louder it gets until that’s all you hear.
It’s the truth screaming to get out.
4. When you’ve been raised by a narcissist, you don’t heal and “find yourself again.”
That’s not what this is about.
You can never go back and become what you were.
There is no going back because back there, I didn’t exist.
When you’re never allowed to be your true self, you don’t even know what it is or what it means for you.
Give yourself a clean slate and start over.
Grow into yourself and become whatever you want to be; once you start, it will happen very quickly.
Being raised by a narcissist creates blocks in your mind, limiting beliefs, paralyzing thoughts, and weird behaviors from not being allowed to connect with your true self.
I use self-hypnosis and meditation to reprogram my brain, and I don’t think I would’ve gotten this far without it.
It’s one of the best ways I have to reparent myself with positive reinforcement. I was bombarded by toxic negativity as a child so I pound positivity into my brain. What goes in, must come out and all that you know.
A narcissist can’t overcome what they are.
It’s what we all want, but it’s not an option.
There isn’t a single recorded case of a narcissist being cured.
There is no more a cure for being a narcissist than there is for being an empath.
We are what we are.
There is no what’s next for the narcissist.
They will continue to do what they’ve always done.
The question is, what’s next for you and where will you go from here?
It’s tough trying to recover from this and straighten it out on your own.
To speed up my healing process I got into life coaching and it changed everything for me.
I took it a step further and became a life coach so I could learn how to help other people like me.
Coaching actually works and it works quickly when you use a specially trained coach. Check out my page here to learn more about it.
When you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, sometimes you need help. If you have more severe symptoms like debilitating depression, PTSD, or C-PTSD, you can connect with a professional therapist online.
Try Online-Therapy (20% off affiliate link).
You don’t have to be face-to-face or meet them in an office.
They’re available and on-call for you Monday-Friday, so there’s no waiting three weeks for an appointment.
It’s affordable, and you pay much less than seeing a therapist in person.
Post like this and narcissistic support groups are no substitute for therapy.